What I remember isn’t how it was

English: A sleeping male baby with his arm ext...

(Photo credit: Wikipedia)

I have begun the long and daunting project of converting all our baby movies from VHS-C to DVD. It’s something that has been on my ‘to-do’ list forever, but I have never had the time, or should I say, I kept putting it off. I really didn’t want to deal with whatever I might see in those tapes that might not be “normal”. Somehow in my head I had my son’s “toddler hood” recorded, and it was much better than reality. I had though he talked well, and was up to his age with development. I knew he had some odd behaviors, but I did not think it was as bad as it was. For some reason, my mind recorded things differently than what they really were. Memorex corrects me on this. Since it’s all documented on video.

I have made my way through three toddler tapes. Ages 16-17 months, way back in 2004. What I see on this video, is not the child I remember. He did not talk as well as I thought he did. In fact, at times he was out there somewhere and did not respond to us but did his own thing. He often screeched and screamed because he could not communicate with us. The speech he did have wasn’t a lot, mostly one word things, and even those one words were sometimes hard to make out.

He jumped and jumped all the time, even when he walked…he jumped. He flapped his arms way more than I recalled. At times he seemed engaged, verbal and happy, other times; he was doing his own thing. We would talk to him and he would not respond, but rather continue to jump or stare at something else. Sometimes it took him a long time to respond.

It seemed like I was always stimulating him with words, songs, and play. If I did not, he would do nothing or go into his own world of jumping or stimming. Sometimes he would fret and howl for no reason we could find. He would crunch up his face and woo-woo sadly out of nowhere. Much of my day was spent talking to him, while he looked around everywhere else, but at me. I was background noise for him most of the time.

He really was not very verbal at all. He would put up his arms and scream at you if something was wrong. He would grunt or whine when he needed something. If we told him a word, he would repeat it in a garbled fashion, if it were one of the few words he knew. If he did not know it, he said nothing. Sometimes he would babble on with this “munchkin language” that we had no idea what he was saying. He had problems pronouncing the few words he did say.

I don’t know where in my mind I had erased this and replaced it with fond memories of him talking on time, and speaking well for his age. Because he didn’t. If fact, it did not become clear to me until I watched these tapes. I have seen my un-vaccinated 17 months old niece, who speaks in small sentences and repeats every word you say clearly. She does not ask for “wa-wa”, she asks for “Water”, clearly pronouncing both syllables, including the T.

She does not garble, or have words you can’t understand. She does not put up her arms and scream. She takes your hand and leads you to the object, talking about what she needs. This is like night and day. Many people think she is 2 1/2 years old because of her language. She had no jumping, no arm flapping.

We are so used to our children being compromised and slower to develop, that we don’t see these things as problems. We are told it’s normal. That what 17 months olds are doing is actually what 8 month olds should do. That 17 month old children should speak like 2 1/2 year olds…if their brains are not damaged from vaccines. This change in our children’s development is not obvious unless you compare non vaccinated infants to vaccinated infants. It is only then, that you can clearly see that vaccines are doing something to our babies. Since vaccination is the only difference between these two children. Both were nursed for a while after birth, both were put on formula, both were fed similar infant diets. Both mothers have similar genetics, we are sisters. The only large variable is that she is not vaccinated, at all.

They caused my son to have developmental delays, more so than even I remembered. When it’s your own child, you tend not to see, you somehow think that what you see is normal, or that they will catch up. Even though your instinct says something is wrong.
Listen to that instinct.

Our children should talk at a very young age. My niece began making mouth movements and vocal sounds in response to us talking to her at less than 6 weeks of age. I had never seen a baby do this, but again, I had never seen a non vaccinated baby either.
As I make my way through more video, I may end up uploading some, so people can see that what the doctors pass off as normal, becomes obviously not normal at 3 years.

I always felt like my son stopped developing at 2 years of age. At least until biomedical. He is caught up now. But I had a 2-year-old for four years.
My only comfort was the he was happy in those movies. He smiled, he was loved and he would screech in delight when he was happy. At least, he was happy as he jumped and howled. There are children who suffer far worse in autism. They are physically ill every day, they are in pain.

Mine did not know any different. I look at him today and I can hardly believe how he is not. He speaks like a scholar and is so intelligent. It amazes me that he made it this far, and it horrifies me to think how he would be if we kept vaccinating him and did not find biomed.

So as I watch this rendition of the toddler days, I am thankful for where we are today.

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