The hair test comes back

This is one of the saddest days of my life. I can remember clearly that I was the only one home. I was sitting at my computer desk checking my email waiting for the email from DirectLabs with the hair test result. Each day I’d check and it wasn’t there, I could breath again for another day.

© 2006 The Edge of Autism

Today, I opened my email and there is was. An email from Direct Labs with an attachment. I was afraid to open it but after taking a moment to stop holding my breath I did. I downloaded the file and opened it. I felt like someone punched me in the stomach as I looked at the insanely elevated metals in my son’s hair. My hand went to my mouth as I gasped in absolute panic to see all those bars elevated. My God where did he get all that aluminum? The Lead, where did that come from?  I thought “Dear God, help us, what is going on?”.  I glared at the screen hoping maybe they sent me the wrong test. Nope the name was correct. How in the hell did my son get all these metals at age 3?  As I began to process what I was looking at I sat frozen in my chair feeling like I wanted to throw up. I began crying and saying over and over again “my poor boy, my poor boy, oh God my poor boy, he’s very sick”. My son was poisoned. I wasn’t sure how or what, but clearly he was.

I don’t know how long I sat there crying but eventually I heard the door open and everyone came home. I snapped out of it and into “what do we do now” mode. I prepared to sit down and explain the test to dad. My mind in a panic, my heart was broken and my soul was sick for what was wrong with my boy. How did this happen? We took care of him, we fed him well, we protected him, we were cautious about what he was around. It didn’t make sense.

I spent the next few weeks in and out of hell going from guilt to sadness to guilt as I prepared to chelate my son for metal toxicity. I remember spending a lot of time feeling sick to my stomach and many nights crying myself to sleep.  I reminded myself many times that while this was terribly bad, at least we had some explanation for his symptoms.

However, this never made me feel any better about it. Even today as I am writing this and thinking back of to that awful day, I feel that pit in my stomach. That pit that changed everything. The day that we could not go back to the world where autism or toxic metals didn’t exist yet. Where our sweet boy was just unique with his odd words or habits. Back to the days of innocence before we knew the world was full of poisons and doctors gave aluminum laden vaccines to our son.  Back to the time when we lived in naive bliss with millions of other families who had no idea of the hidden dangers that could come to rob their child of his health and development.

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The beginning of my son’s autism

I found an old journal from 2006 when my son was 3 years and 5 months old. I had always kept written journals for my kids that continued where the baby books ended. In these journals I wrote down cute things they did, words they said, milestones, and other information about them as they were growing each day. This journal is dated February 16, 2006 which seems like a 100 years ago now.

I feel like I have lived in a vacuum consumed by autism since 2006. I barely recall what life was like before then.

I had listed a long list of symptoms my son had at the time when I wasn’t sure what was wrong. It wasn’t until April of 2006 that we did a hair test. So I know when I began this particular journal I didn’t know much about Autism and my journey was just beginning.

I had listed the following symptoms in 2007:

  • Continual movement usually jumping. He rocked on all fours in his crib, and began this when he woke up in the morning. When he learned to stand he jumped in his crib instead for long periods of time. He did this when he was stressed or bored and continued to do it when he got a regular bed. He would jump and yell or bang in rhythm to his jumping.
  • He jumps when he is excited even if he is walking, he jumps instead.
  • He likes to bang on everything.
  • he refused solid food as an infant and gagged on most things.
  • Only eats certain foods. If it looks different or tastes different he protest loudly and will not eat it.
  • Resistant to anything new. Refuses to wear clothes.
  • Slow in learning to care for himself
  • Was working on potty training but seems to have regressed and there is no success yet.
  • Things need to happen the same way every time or he has a tantrum. He even has to sit at the same restaurant table as the last time we went.
  • Very shy and reacts negatively to other people. He will not make eye contact or speak to them. He usually says “go away!”
  • As a baby he would cling to me with a death grip if someone came to visit us. He would cry and hide and refuse to speak to them.
  • He cried and fussed at gatherings where there were a lot of people or noise.
  • In the grocery store he would run everywhere and we had a hard time occupying him and getting him to listen and stay with us. He usually had to ride in a shopping cart to avoid this.
  • He does not have any interest in leaving the house.
  • He is curious about other children but has no interest in playing with them and doesn’t display any social interest.
  • He doesn’t always understand what we say to him and we have to repeat ourselves a lot.
  • Prefers to watch the same movie or listen to the same song over and over again.
  • He does not sleep well. He woke at night until he was a year old.
  • He began crying a lot at night around 4 months of age. We could not get him to sleep. We had to hold him and rock him all night.
  • He screamed when you changes him or changed his clothing.
  • He was hard to console and it felt as though he didn’t bond with us or make a connection. This did improve with age.
  • He is sensitive to light and touch. He does not like his hair touched or washed or his back rubbed.
  • He averts eye contact with anyone that he does not know. People comment how “shy he is”.  He can make eye contact with mom if I encourage it repeatedly.
  • When his father asked him to do something he looks confused and asks his mother “what is daddy saying?” Then I repeat it slower and he understands.
  • He repeats requests over and over again even though he was told to wait.
  • He puts things in his mouth like toys. He play inappropriate for his age, I have to keep telling him not to eat the toys or stand on them.
  • He cannot locate an item when given verbal direction to find it.
  • He is obsessed with the heat registers in the house. He can hear the thermostat click from anywhere and he runs over and sits in front of the heat vent waiting for it to come on. He even wakes up out of a sleep to do this.
  • He is obsessed with flashlights,
  • When you turn on the vacuum cleaner or hair dryer he yells “ah ah ah ah ah” over and over until you turn it off.
  • He used to band his head when he was under 2 years old and we spent a great deal of time discouraging this until we got him to stop.
  • He lined up toys instead of playing with them.
  • He did not pretend.
  • He cried in the car and hated riding.
  • He did not stack his stacking cups, he lined those up too.
  • He flapped his arms, especially when excited.
  • He hopped instead of walked, he spun around sometimes.
  • He made up odd words for items he didn’t know the names for.

I recall a child that was pale and liked to lay around. He wanted to watch his “clue’s” video over and over again. I spent a lot of time getting him to interact and play with me. In September 2005 it says he was peeing in the potty just before his 3rd birthday.  Yet in the 2006 journal he had regressed and was no longer using the toilet.

He only began to eat limited foods when we took his bottles away in May 2005. Prior to that he lived on formula and getting him to eat was chore. He always had issues with constipation.  I remember he changed a lot after his 2 and 4 month vaccinations. This is when he began not sleeping and crying all night. I remember the loss of eye contact after his toddler vaccines. I remember bits and pieces and when I go back and watch the home movies I realize that what I remember is actually better than what he really looked like.

It was those years when my son was slowly slipping to the edge. It was then that he was getting sick and that things were going wrong. But by the time I had started journal number two, age 3 years and 5 months I knew something was wrong. We did his hair test in April 2006. We began his first intervention in March 2006. I started probiotics and for the first time in his small life he began having regular bowel movements.  He began eating oatmeal with flax-seed and taking Gamma Linoleic Acid after that. This was something he would never eat before. Then we started his multivitamin.  My journal reports that he was happy, had better social contact. He actually removed a hair from his hand instead of flipping out and screaming which is what he normally did.  He was trying to use his words more to communicate instead of screaming.

After starting his multivitamin he seemed to cuddle more with us and wanted me to be close to him during nap-time. He was coming out of his shell some. He was making rhymes and jokes. He just seemed happier over all than he’d been in a long time. He was more friendly toward strangers and doing better around other children. He as finally able to sit through dinner and was eating more foods. We were seeing fewer tantrums.

We did have the constipation come back in April even on probiotics and this created tantrums, irritability  and he was very hyperactive. He had quite a few colds in that Spring which also created havoc on his behavior. We began grapefruit seed for yeast in May.

Looking back on this it seems so far away but reading it from my journal it all comes flooding back.  I see how very close we were to going off the edge and losing my son completely. If I had not stopped vaccinations after the 18 month DPaT booster that caused his loss of eye contact I don’t know where we would be.

Next time I blog about the day I got his hair test results.

 

The Beginning of the Edge

I have not publicly written much about where we were before we began biomed. I have thought about why that is and I think I have finally figured it out. It’s because it’s painful. Those days were sad for us. And part of me never wants to go back there. I chose to remember the good moments I had with my son back then. But in my heart I know it was not all good. I have to focus really hard to retrieve those memories.

Even today, it’s hard to talk about them. My son was born in late 2002. He was a post 9/11 baby. Conceived just months after this national disaster. My pregnancy was a bit rough just like the first one but I was careful, avoided vaccines, medications and took care of myself. I was ready to do the “mommy thing” again, even though my first-born was well out of diapers and off to school. We had my son without complication and brought home this beautiful big-eyed baby boy. He loved to be swaddled and snuggle in your arms. He fed well, he slept well.

I spent the first few months of his life caring from him around the clock. Holding him, rocking him, sniffing his sweet head for that “baby smell”. I marveled at his tiny toes and his “pouty lip” he’d make when he cried. I had no problem adjusting to being a mommy of two! As we neared 2 months of age he was sleeping 4-6 hours at night, he was eating every 4 hours. He was generally happy. He had learned to smile, he could hold up his own head and play with his hands. I used to love the mornings I would take him in the shower with me and hold him on my chest while the water gently splashed his back. He would put out his tongue to lick the drops and stare quietly up at me. He was so calm in the water. But low did I know I would spent the next 9 years caring for him around clock.

For as long as I can remember, I always dreaded the well-baby visits with my first-born. It didn’t change with the second. I always felt this overwhelming urge to skip the appointment, drive right past the place or just call and cancel it. I still had a pit in my stomach that morning as I packed the diaper bag and prepared for his appointment. I wish I had listened to that “pit in my stomach”. This was my instinct trying to tell me to protect my baby.

We went for his 2 month check up. He was growing very well.  He had gained almost 7 pounds since birth in just 8 weeks. However, everything seemed to change after that appointment that day. He received the following vaccines that day: DTaP, Prevnar, Hib/Hep,  and IPV.  (diptheria, tetanus, pertussis, pneumoccocal, Haemophilus influenzae, Hepatitis B, and polio).

Things really changed after this. My son wouldn’t sleep at night anymore. He screamed instead. You could not put him down at all.  He fussed most of the evening and he would not sleep alone in his bassinet. This began months of being up most of the night with him. He ate erratically, and not much seemed to calm him.   My husband was trying to sleep because he worked all day and I was left to try to soothe my son’s misery both day and night.  My son’s only solace was to be swaddled tightly in a blanket and rocked at a fast pace all night. I did it. I learned to sleep with my eyes open while rocking. I had too. And sometimes, I could still calm him in the shower.

I looked back at his baby book and it reports that at 3 months his hair was falling out. He had developed a thin spot. He  had a skin rash. He got his first cold. He became fussy. No doubt the result of the chemicals he received in those vaccines.  I did not learn until later years and from watching my un-vaccinated nieces and nephews develop that their hair doesn’t fall out at 3 months. The did not get bald spots or rashes.

My son did seem to settle down a bit until his 4 month vaccinations which flared it all up again.  I wish I had known what a vaccine reaction was or looked like back then. You always read things like seizures, high fevers, high-pitched screaming. No one said anything about low fevers, crying, fussing, not sleeping, rashes, hair loss. Or a change in your infant’s personality. Oh the things I wish I knew then!

I am thankful that I never gave my son Tylenol before a vaccination visit. They told us to give it ahead of time to minimize discomfort and prevent a fever. I always thought there was no point in giving medication for symptoms we didn’t have yet.  That turned out to be a wise choice, since Tylenol suppresses liver function and would impeded removal of the vaccine chemicals from the body.

Boy

Boy (Photo credit: AfghanistanMatters)

In any case, this began our journey. People will say I am crazy but I swear my son was never the same after that first bout of vaccinations. As we went through infancy and toddler hood, he displayed rather odd behaviors. And the final straw for me was the reaction to his last vaccination. He had a DTaP in 2004 at age 18 months. Within days of that I noticed that my son began avoiding eye contact.

I will never forget this day. I was sitting on the couch next to the end table. My son was standing there playing with some small toy on the table. I was talking to him with eye contact as I always do to small children. My son tilted his head and averted my gaze. I got a chill down my spine. I continued to try to make eye contact with him by moving my head and talking with him. He tilted his head again and looked at me from the sides of his eyes. I have never seen him do that, ever.

I felt a lump in my throat, a pit in my stomach, and sheer dread. I knew that was a sign of autism.  I was in shock and continued to watch him over the coming weeks. He still continued to use side ward gazes for eye contact.  My son was more withdrawn and less interactive with us. All he wanted to do was lay in his playpen and watch Blues Clues over and over again.  I do believe this last shot was the final toxic tipping point for him. He already had symptoms that I noted around age 16 months following the MMR/Varivax. But this one took his eye contact from us. And this one began our descent.

The coming year or two my son developed odd quirks, behaviors, and so on that didn’t fit the normal development of children. By the time he was 3 years old I knew we were on the Edge of Autism. I still to this day believe that if I had continued to fully vaccinate him he would  have become much more severe. I think tuning into my gut and refusing further vaccination saved him from more damage.

I know that not all children who have autism, have a vaccine reaction or are even vaccinated. Some of them are not.  But what I do see is that they also have toxic hair tests just like my son did.  There is more than a coincidence that metals do “something” to our children. And that not all children survive toxic assaults unscathed.

Since then I have spent the majority of my time recovering him.